in Cambridge, there is a bathtub...

In Cambridge, there is a bathtub...

It was thrust into the world many moons ago with a hiss of smouldering iron and clank of moulds. For a numer of years its history has remained elusive. No-one is really sure where it lived (though presumably in someone's bathroom) or what its purpose was (some suspect it was used as a bath). However, it was eventually picked up by the Cambridge ADC theatre who required it for a play, and it played the role of 250lb* cast-iron bathtub expertly; like no actor could have done**. However, its weight and unstoppable bid for the crown of King-of-all-rustedness led the prospect of its final days being lived out in the pouring rain with nought but a prop-filled skip for company. Its number was up, until a play was written. A play so perfect that it required a bath.

THIS bath.

Like greenpeace to an oil spil the directors of this play flocked to the bath's side with friends and taxis in tow to bring it to its rightful place back on the centre stage. After much scooping, de-watering, turning, seat arrangement, huffing and also puffing, it was positioned on the back seat of a taxi and transported to that so illustrious of Cambridge colleges, Clare. Here it was unloaded by a team of handsome muscle-men*** and was given its own room complete with central heating. So royal was this bath that mere "acting-removal-person" plebs were left to walk or cycle to Clare while the bath rode in its carriage of expense.

And so it was a happy day for the bathtub. Soon, oh so soon, it shall have its golden day once more, soaking up the applause in the English faculty like those goading sponges and their soap-water.


* estimate
** (the phrase "no human could play that part" springs to mind, but no doubt Andrew could have had a good bash)
*** Me, Vicky's friend Joel and a Taxi Driver. So awe-inspired by the life-story of this bath was the driver that NO questions were asked. And why would they be!?